The National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health of U.S. students in grades 7-12^th includes 12,105 students. Students were asked to fill out in-school and at-home questionnaires. The main question to be answered was timing of first sexual encounter.

3,322 students reported being virgins during the first round of questions. The results showed that teens with high levels of mother-child connectedness, and a perception of maternal disapproval delayed first sexual intercourse. This "disapproval" was listened to if it was strong disapproval.

The mother-child relationships were characterized by warmth and closeness. This closeness along with their disapproval of early intercourse was thought to be a protective factor against early intercourse.

I don't know whether to respond with a "no, dah" or "finally, some sanity in the sexual revolution." I am sure some of you have similar responses to this research. Did it really take research to prove something our parents' generation knew already? What parents think matters to our children. Our children are not defined by their peers, but by their family's and societal rules.

I remember asking my mother when I was a teen if she had pregnant teens in her school or if she had sex before marriage (bold was I as a youth). My mother told me "we just didn't do those things back then." "Why I asked?" "Because our parents and everyone else told us not to do it-- it wasn’t right."

That's right. Purity just doesn't happen or not happen in a vacuum. It is a value that you instill just like other values. Some of you may have read my article awhile ago that talked about teaching purity same as we teach safety to our kids. So let me say it again -- start teaching purity as highly valued as safety and respect to your kids.

But here's the catch. Josh McDowell once said "rules without relationship leads to rebellion." Notice that these teens respected their mother's advice because there was parent-child closeness, i.e. a real relationship. When you establish a relationship of closeness and warmth, you establish trust, honest, and respect. This should start when your children are young by making time for their little voices, 1:1 play, events that lay down trust. So later when they are teens they will turn to the one(s) that they have known for years that they can trust. The Beaver Clevers were teased for years, but look whose laughing now. Talks with and listening to your kids matter.

If this were not compelling enough, we can always look to God's word for the truth. The whole Bible is based on God reconnecting with His creation through Christ to have a warm, close relationship with us. Relationships are key to Him, so they should be with us. When we have this type of real relationship with Him, we trust Him. He speaks we listen. He lists off His values, and we strive to keep them.

Whenever we fall down in life as Christians, it is our relationship with our Savior that keeps us going. It is no different with our children than it is with God's children.

Speak the truth in love.

P.S. if your kids are older and you are starting afresh in the relationship department, don't fear, but believe. Remember Jesus says "with man all things are impossible, but with God ALL things are possible." Mark 10:27.