But how did we get here? My opinion is that most of our entertainment practices are heritages that we were given, meaning we usually watch and do the things we did with our families as children. Some call these activities family traditions. For instance, in our family my parents loved history, especially war history, so many of our family traditions surrounded remembering war events and their great leaders. This has given me a great sense of gratitude for veterans and for my freedom, but in the area of entertainment, it was a bit traumatic.

My dad loved watching war movies, whether it was the calvary cowboys, or the grueling World War II prison camps. I loved doing things with my dad, so I would snuggle up next to him on the couch to watch a Saturday afternoon movie and brace myself for the onslaught of war. It was not appropriate for me to watch "Purple Heart," a movie about GI's in the Pacific Island P.O.W camps, but I wanted to spend time with my dad more than I wanted not to watch those war movies.

Many of us have received similar entertainment heritages. Ok, maybe not war movies, but how about hours of sitcoms most evenings in place of 1:1 time with our kids. Or maybe your parents liked "reality bites," or "fright night" type movies that rocked your security.

This trip down memory lane is not to parent bash, but is meant for us to take a good look at our entertainment heritage and ask what we should keep and what needs to be thrown out. It is a time to ask God, "do you want me to watch, read, or listen to this?"

Let me take a quick moment to address "parent bashing." Many "recovery" groups these days are trying to blame every social ill on parents, whether mothers, fathers or both. As a pediatrician, I have never met a parent that says, "ok doc how do I do my worst with his kid, how can I really screw him/her up for life?" When we recall our childhood we may think that is indeed what our parents' plans were, but I say emphatically, NO! Our parents did the best they could with what they had and knew at the time. Certainly our parents can sin against us and harm us greatly; they must repent of these sins and seek our forgiveness, BUT we are not to use our pasts to excuse our present life or future. Why? Because we serve a bigger God than that; we were saved by a bigger savior than that. All things are made new (2 Corinthians 5:17) in the Lord. We should allow Him to do that for us by asking for His help, and it will happen. So let's forgive our parents, take the good, leave the bad, and honor God by doing it HIS way (future issues will address in depth how to heal from childhood hurts, so stay tuned, there is hope for the hopeless, Lamentations 3:24).

The Lord knew we would need help with this, so He gives clear guidelines for our entertainment and leisure. First the good news, He has a standard that is easy to understand. Let us start with His character -- love.

"Love is long suffering, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not arrogant, not rude, not selfish, not resentful, does not think evil, rejoices in the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Now let's be honest, how many of the shows we watch, games our children play, or music we listen to adhere to this definition -- not many. See my "solutions" section for alternative entertainment on page 6.

Remember Jesus' answer to what is the greatest commandment? "You shall love the Lord your God with all you heart, soul, and strength. And the second is like it you shall love your neighbor as yourself."

Matthew 22:37. These same commands can be found in the Old Testament at Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18 "You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love you neighbor as yourself." I would love to see a daytime talk show that upheld these two commands!

"Whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, if there is any virtue and anything praiseworthy --- meditate (focus) on these things." Philipians 4:8. This standard makes it easy to turn the channel or turn it off.

Most importantly obeying God in these areas brings us closer to Him. Wow, what a concept, being closer to the God who created everything! Paul puts it well in Philippians 4:9, "the things which you learned, and received, and heard, and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you." Notice he did not say "maybe," but He will be with you. And not only with you, but also with your whole family. Who doesn't want more peace in their homes? But first we must do these things.

Since we started this in our home, our children sleep, obey, and play better. You would think a Christian pediatrician would have known better, but she didn't. However, now that I am doing it God's way you could not pay me to return to the old ways. It boils down to this, God knows what our brains need to best develop -- at any age, but especially during the early years.

Ok now the bad news. I call it a spiritual spanking. If we are rationalizing our entertainment decisions we probably are upholding the world's values over God's.

The story surrounds Jesus' continuous battle with the Pharisees. They want to continue their human traditions even if it means breaking God's commands, however Jesus wants to do His father's will even if it means breaking human tradition. The human law in the story, if upheld, breaks God's law of honoring your mother and father, and basically is a clever way of justifying selfishness.

Jesus challenges their attitudes by saying "consequently you have made the commandment of God of no effect by your tradition." And later He says "teaching as doctrines the commandments of men." Jesus is challenging our attitudes as well. We teach our children (actively or passively) about the traditions of entertainment without considering that they may break God's laws. Ouch! The biggest "ouch" though comes when we realize we will be held accountable by God for what we teach our children.

"Don't look Ethel, but it was too late. She had already been mooned." Ray Stevens

Our kids have witnessed mooning, shooting-up, knocking down, blowing away, and pulling apart of the human body. Some of it is in the context of humor and most of it is not. So what effect does all this "witnessing" have on them, particularly our little ones?

We know from over 10,000 published studies that the effects of violent media on our children are bad, but what specifically happens to their brains. Researcher Dr. Bruce Perry, M.D., Ph.D. at the Baylor College of medicine, Child Trauma Academy has looked into answering just that question. Most children have a safe place in life whether it is home or school. Yet, some have no safe haven, especially the inner city children, where home, school, and neighborhood are all violent and dangerous. These are the highest risk children and the main focus of his work.

However, if the repetitive experience is violent and threatening, the pathways for fear and aggression -- the "fight or flight response" -- are established. As put by Dr. Perry,

These aren't just bad habits our kids are learning; these are permanent changes in their brains' makeup. They are learning early on aggressive responses are the norm. Later in life though, these responses will be natural.

Richard Restak, M.D. professor of neurology at George Washington School of Medicine stated at a conference on the child's brain in February 1999 that "stress" can cause the memory center of the brain to shrink (SLC, UT, Primary Children's Medical Center). Dr. Perry mentions this has also been true in animal models. What a sobering thought. Our children's memory center could be shrinking as a result of the violence they witness because witnessing violence for children is stressful.

Children can either react in a fight or flight response to violence. The "fight" children are easier to identify for they are the ones that are always in the go mode ready for a fight. Dr. Perry describes them as "characterized by persisting physiological hyperarousal and hyperactivity (Perry, 1995a; Perry, et al., 1995). They are observed to have increased muscle tone, frequently a low grade increase in temperature, an

increased startle response, profound sleep disturbances, affect (emotional) regulation problems and generalized (or specific) anxiety (Kaufman, 1991; Ornitz et al., 1989; Perry, 1994a). In addition, our studies indicate that a significant portion of these children have abnormalities in cardiovascular regulation (Perry, 1994; Perry et al., 1995b). If you haven't gotten the point yet, the effects of violence on our children produce total body changes. Not just in their brains, but in their whole bodies.

On the other hand, if children respond to violence in the "flight" mode then they tend to be withdrawn, have a lot of vague body complaints, appear spacey, react to change with anxiety, and act helpless and dependent.

Children raised around violence are more violent. As I said in the beginning of the article there are 10,000 articles in medicine confirming this fact. Another fact is that exposure to violence early in life especially cause permanent changes to our children's brains, which in turn causes changes in their responses to the world later.